


For As Long As I Can Recall

by Selena Dusk (CrownPrincessMoon)



Series: Dearest Brother [1]
Category: The Originals (TV), The Vampire Diaries & Related Fandoms, The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Because of Reasons, Brother Feels, Brother-Sister Relationships, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Love, Can you tell?, Character Study, Daniel Gillies is so fucking hot, Dysfunctional Family, Elijah is bisexual, F/M, Gen, Half-Sibling Incest, I Don't Even Know, I just started watching originals, I'm not even kidding, Implied Relationships, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Protective Elijah Mikaelson, Self-Indulgent, Take this However You Want, and because I said so, implied - Freeform, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-15 23:32:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16942806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrownPrincessMoon/pseuds/Selena%20Dusk
Summary: Over the course of my long life, I have come to believe that we are bound forever to those with whom we share blood. and while we may not choose our family, their bond can be our greatest strength, or... our deepest regret. This unfortunate truth has haunted me for as long as I can recall.—Elijah Mikaelson





	For As Long As I Can Recall

**Author's Note:**

> Hullo,  
> Man, I am like five years too late to this fandom but nevermind that, I'm here now!  
> Though this is mostly self-indulgent, I hope whoever stumbles across this enjoys!!
> 
> Check out my thoughts in the notes below! (If you're interested)

_Elijah remembers when Klaus was a boy._

When his smile was as luminous as the morning sun and his laughter danced on bright air, the blue of his eyes rivaled only by the sky.

He remembers Rebekah's shriek of delight as Niklaus swept her into his arms, strong and sure, and spun her around until they were both dizzy, collapsing into a pile of fallen leaves.

The way his hands shook as he held the wooden bow before Elijah steadied him, moving his head just so, instructing him to relax, and breathe, and–

_Thwipp!_

He missed the target by a meter but Elijah didn't give him time to feel disappointed, pulling him close and ruffling his blonde locks, as he remarked, "Good job, Niklaus. Let's practice some more."

Klaus beamed at him, then, and–

_Elijah remembers when their father was around._

When his vitriolic words and poorly veiled threats kept Klaus awake long after the others had fallen asleep, and it took forever for Elijah, and occasionally Bekah, to soothe their brother, whispering promises of protection and vows of security.

The way Mikael, long before he truly knew that Klaus wasn't his son, regarded his younger brother with such blatant hatred that Elijah took special precautions that Klaus was never left alone with him, lest something terrible happened.

Klaus's screams as the leather of their father's whip tore into his back and Elijah— _stupid, cowardly, unworthy Elijah_ —stood back and did nothing, said nothing while Klaus cries tore through the forest and Rebekah looked on at their father with a gleam in her cerulean eyes that made Elijah fear, albeit briefly, for their father's life.

( _Later that evening he caught her attempting to slip hemlock into their father's nightly tea. Their eyes locked, an unspoken conversation passing between them before Elijah silently pried the leaves from her grasp and threw them into the fire. She didn't apologize, offered no explanations; only took their father's mug and left the tent._ )

That wasn't the last time she tried and it wasn't the last time Klaus was punished and–

 _Elijah remembers when they became vampires._ (Not monsters. **Not yet.** )

When Klaus emerged from the woods with the broken body of young, innocent Henrik and fell before their mother sobbing, inconsolable. Mikael would have killed Klaus where he stood, large tears rolling down his face, if it weren't for Elijah and Rebekah's quick-thinking. Somehow, through the haze of grief that clouded their minds, their eyes were able to meet and Rebekah mouthed, " _Get him out of here_."  
As their father tried to learn what happened from Ayanna and Esther, Elijah threw his brother's arm over his shoulder, hoisting him up and half-walking, half-dragging him away to a small clearing in the forest.  
Niklaus' legs buckled immediately beneath him and Elijah sank down with him.

"I'm sorry–I'm sorry! Elijah, I'm _so_ sorry! I didn't mean– _I didn't mean–!_ "

" _Breathe_ , Niklaus." He pulled his brother close to his chest, holding back his tears for the time being, "Breathe."

The way his mother and father grew desperate and paranoid, forbid them from ever leaving their home in some misguided attempt to keep them safe from the men who turned into beasts on the full moon.  
Mikael's fits of rage increased in number and Esther frantically searched her spell books for a solution, her tent in disarray when Elijah went to check on her.

"What you ask is _impossible_!" He heard Ayanna hiss from behind the fabric of the tent, her lovely accent turned harsh by the ire in her tone, "The spirits will not aid you in this foolish endeavor and neither will I. Think of the consequences, Esther!"

A beat of silence, then:

"I have. I will do it without them or _you_."

All of nature screamed when Esther completed her spell. The winds howled as icy sleet fell from the sky; the fire danced higher and higher, red, orange, and blue flickering, as the ground shook and then–

 _Nothing_ , an eerie stillness that set a chill deep within his bones, and Elijah shuddered.

They drank from the cup at Mikael's insistence, the wine not strong enough to mask what was undeniably blood, and Elijah had to push down his bile.

His father stabbed him a moment later.

... **and** he was alive again a moment later.

He gasped, unable to draw enough air into his lungs, and his head pounded. Even the silence seemed to scrape against his ears. The earth felt cold underneath him.

A hand wrapped around his bicep and roughly pulled him up. He was dragged into their tent.

" _What–?_ " He began, falling silent at the sight before him—a young woman he recognized from the village. She was hunched down in the far corner of the space, ebony hair loose from her braid. Her wrists were bleeding.

"Get up!" Mikael roared, dragging Elijah behind him and the girl began to cry.

"Father, what–?"

Mikael gripped him by the back of his neck and pushed down, forcing him to his knees as he knelt beside him.

He pulled the girl's wrist to him.

"Drink." He ordered.

"Wha–? Father, what's going on? Why does my head hurt?"

" _Drink, Elijah!_ "

The girl cried harder and Elijah wished she would be quiet. He couldn't think. A steady thumping had begun in the recess of his mind.

 _Thump-thump._  
_Thump-thump._  
_Thump-thump._

"Where's Klaus? Where's Rebekah? Who _is_ this?" He asked.

 **Thump-thump.**  
**Thump-thump.**  
**Thump-thump.**

"What is that noise?"

" _Damnit_ , boy!"

Without warning, Mikael pushed the girl's wrist against his mouth, muffling his cry of surprise.

 _Warm_ was the liquid that filled Elijah's mouth and slid down his throat. _Insatiable_ , was his hunger as he bit down harder, the girl's screams fading to inconsequential background noise.

 **Thump**... _thump_.  
**Thump**... _thump_.  
**Thump**.....

The girl's heart had stopped, and blood stained the front of his shirt as he dropped her arm, staring uncomprehendingly at the motionless body.

She was dead he had killed her she was dead and he had killed her and–

 _Elijah remembers_ being _vampires._

When the shock of the transformation wore off and Elijah couldn't remember _feeling_ more alive. _Everything_ was enhanced—their speed, their strength, their healing, everything. He could see and hear things that were miles away, and heights were nothing now, a single push off the ground could launch him several feet in the air.  
He could sword-fight Klaus without holding back, their laughter mingling in the air as the swords bent under their new strength, and race Rebekah to the nearest beach, which usually took five days on the family wagon, smiling as she curled her toes into the sand and closed her eyes.

The way the same sun that had given them life set their flesh aflame. Those who were once their neighbors and friends had to invite them into their homes, and their minds became unnervingly accessible places, the simplest phrase able to wipe their memory clean. The flowers that grew at the base of the White Oak burned now, Elijah witness to Rebekah's shriek of surprise as she yanked her hand away from the petals.

Physical sensations weren't the only things enhanced. Everything _about_ them was more.

Kol's already present mischievous streak turned into something cruel and malicious, his short attention span and affinity for growing bored easily made him dangerous and unpredictable.

Finn, who had no patience for things that didn't fit into his natural order of the world, made it no secret that he despised what they were, regarded them as something that shouldn't exist.

Rebekah had always been stubborn, something Elijah both loved and hated about her, but now it was alarming; her refusal to let certain things go often ended with someone dead and the villagers one step closer to discovering their secret.

And him?  
Elijah had always held himself to a strict code of honor and becoming a vampire had engrained his morals into the very fabric of his being.  
He didn't _feed_ on children. Breaking a promise became equivalent to murdering someone in cold blood, and he had _no_ tolerance for those who hurt his family.

And Klaus...Klaus never really had the patience for those who disappointed him. Something Elijah wouldn't truly realize until many, many years later. For now, though, Klaus was more or less the same, his mood occasionally swinging from one extreme to the next but Elijah and Rebekah were always able to calm him when he showed signs of going too far.

And afterward, they would wrestle in the clearing behind their tents where Klaus easily overpowered him and they rolled around before separating, laughing breathlessly(?) until Klaus turned to look at him and–

_Elijah remembers the beginning of the end._

When he wasn't able to stop Klaus from feeding too hard and he killed his first man. When he and his father stumbled upon his younger brother just as his bones began to break. Something snapped and Klaus howled in pain before collapsing.

He started forward and his father immediately yanked him back.

"Stay back, Elijah." He ordered, voice gruff and eyes filled with poisonous loathing, "He is a beast."

"Elijah, _please_ , brother."

When Klaus looked up, yellow eyes stared back him, even brighter against the black of his pupils.

" _Help me._ "

The way their father and mother conspired to lock away the very essence of whom Klaus was, chaining him to a wooden crux as he sobbed for their understanding and help.

"Elijah, _please!_ _Brother_ , _help me!_ "

"Get over here, boy!"

 _Noble_ Elijah. How unworthy he was of such a title at that moment, when he chose his father over his brother for the first and last time in what was soon to become his very long life.

The aftermath was of cataclysmic proportions.

Mikael's rage had always reigned unchecked as a human but now?  
With every part of his being dangerously enhanced, the whole world felt his wrath. The village became a slaughterhouse, blood watered the soil until the air reeked with the stench of the dead and even then it wasn't enough for Mikael.

Their mother laid dead in the center of their campsite, her heart missing from her chest, and as the White Oak burned in the distance, they made a vow:

 _Family above all_ **_, always and forever._ **

\---

_Elijah remembers becoming monsters._

When Rebekah was no longer phased by brutality and often participated in its vile sport if it meant getting a boy to notice her.

(Their almost deaths at the hands of hunters was a testimony to that. And though Rebekah's heart would eventually heal, Niklaus would never forget the almost betrayal of their vow.

Later that same night, his younger brother studied all five daggers with an intrigue that sent unease crawling underneath his skin.

"How peculiar." He mused, turning the dagger over by the hilt. Moonlight spilled off the silver blade, reflecting its craftsmanship. "It's like being dead and yet... _not_."

"Yes," Elijah agreed, eyes darting to his brother's face, "Perhaps we should destroy them."

" _Or_...I could keep them."

Elijah kept his features even, his voice subtly amused, "Whatever for, Niklaus? Are Rebekah and I such unbearable company that you wish to rid yourself of us?"

Niklaus rolled his eyes. "I would never hurt _you_ , Elijah."

A pause. He raised an eyebrow, silently prompting him to continue.

Klaus rolled his eyes again. " _Or Rebekah_ , if that's what you want to hear. Though our sister more than deserves it at the moment."

" _Perhaps_ ," Elijah hummed, absently tracing the rim of his mug, "She was in love with him, Niklaus. You could show a little more sympathy."

"Sympathy," his mouth curled in distaste over the word, "Is for the weak. Her foolishness nearly got us killed."

"We'll make sure it doesn't happen again, _please_ , Niklaus. Make peace with our sister. She's hurting right now."

The space between them was silent with the exception of the plinking of the dagger in Klaus's hand, tapping out an uneven rhythm against his daylight ring.

"Fine." Klaus finally agreed. He stood, sweeping all of the daggers into a satchel as he did so, "Let me just put these away."

"Thank you," Elijah said to the empty space in front of him.)

The way Klaus's temper grew increasingly dangerous, his paranoia and fear causing him to lash out at the slightest hint of danger. He was reckless, almost self-destructively so.

(He had no patience for those who disappointed him, and they disappointed him _a lot_ , according to Niklaus.

In his mind, it was only fair he punished them.

 _Punish_ Rebekah for her disloyalty. _Punish_ Elijah for letting his morals get in the way of what Klaus wanted.

And yet, Elijah had no doubt that Klaus did indeed love them in his own _twisted_ way.

The same love that drove him to murder whatever boy came within hand-holding distance of Rebekah—his way of protecting her heart even as he shattered it.)

As for Elijah, his own vice lain in his loyalty to his family. To Klaus.

The same brother who could and would slaughter an entire village of innocent people for some imagined slight against him, leaving only the aggressor alive to cope with the destruction they had brought upon themselves.

His compulsive need to fix whatever was broken even if it meant breaking a little bit himself would one day be the death of him, he was sure, but until then he had _forever_ to redeem Niklaus, _forever_ to grant Rebekah the happiness she deserved.

Even if it meant he didn't get forever...

_Elijah remembers small pockets of happiness in their life._

When small, memorable moments outweighed the evil that was chasing them. Rebekah meeting a boy during a time when their father was nowhere in sight and Klaus was a little more lax with his rules, his paranoia a little more manageable. The boy, Anthony, his name was this time, crafted her a picnic complete with roses and candles, underneath the night sky with Elijah's help.

Needless to say, she came home a little later that night.

The way Klaus would find someone who held his interests longer than the typical meal, be it platonic or romantic, and begin a new friendship, a new romance.

Whatever it was called Klaus always took it slow, careful to show only parts of his reflection, lest he be rejected as the monster he stubbornly believed he was. Elijah usually kept a close eye on his brother during times like this—Klaus was vulnerable. One wrong reaction or word from whomever he was connecting with could send him spiraling into a blood-fueled rage.

As for himself, Elijah spent his days making sure that his siblings were happy. That they were embracing all the good life had to offer before their father inevitably found them. He encouraged them to keep their feeding to a minimum, blend in with the humans. Bought dresses for Rebekah to wear to festivals and dances, and different colored paints for Klaus to work with in his studio.

He rarely took lovers but when he did it was during periods such as those.  
A girl with crimson hair, a boy with evergreen eyes, another with a scatter of freckles across their nose—anyone who caught his interest.

Such moments were rare and as such, treasured like something precious because they always came to an end and–

_Elijah remembers when things went wrong as they were wont to do when circumstances were going accordingly._

When Klaus was inevitably " _betrayed_ ", in the loosest sense of the word, by the person he had come to trust, and the whole world felt the aftershocks of his anger.

The way Rebekah screamed when Klaus killed Anthony without batting an eye, his mouth twisted into a cruel imitation of a smile, and this was usually when Elijah would begin searching for somewhere to relocate because it was only a matter of time until _he_ found them.

Klaus' hatred of Rebekah's suitors rarely extended to Elijah due to his typical lack of comfortable companionship but every once in a while he made the mistake of letting someone in. Someone who drew his attention more than Klaus, and if there was one thing Klaus hated more than being disappointed, it was not being the focus of Elijah's attention.

The girl with crimson hair was proof of that, found in her home with white robes stained the color of her hair. The boy with evergreen eyes had his heart ripped out in their home when Elijah had been foolish enough to leave him alone with Klaus. The one with the scatter of freckles their nose inexplicably stabbed themselves to death.

 _Each time_ Elijah's heart broke and _each time_ he forgave Klaus, promised to never make the same mistake again. It never seemed to stick, though.

By the time Mikael came they were a million miles away, doing what they did best: _starting over and over and over again_.

(After their latest misadventure, Klaus approaches him in their current lodgings.

"Brother," he greets, uncharacteristically somber as he leaned against the door frame.

"Yes, Niklaus?" Elijah turns to the next page of his book, absently thumbing the corners.

"What are you reading?"

" _Don Quixote._ " Elijah replies, "Do you really care?"

"No, not particularly," Klaus answers immediately, the tone of his voice shifting and Elijah can almost hear the corners of his mouth twitching into a smile.

"Is Rebekah all right?" He already knows the answer.

"She's still not talking to me if that's what you mean, but she didn't curse me out when I helped her out of the carriage. I call that progress." Klaus was definitely smiling now.

"Which one can only hope for after you've murdered her boyfriend."

"She'll get over it. She always does."

 _Not quite_ , Elijah thinks, but stays silent, flips to another page.

"What about _you_ , Elijah?" Klaus suddenly asks, breaking the strained silence between them.

"What about me?" The hardcover book begins to bend underneath his grip.

"Will _you_ get over it?"

He finally looks up and Klaus meets his eyes head-on. They're darker indoors, Elijah notes, more navy than sky-blue.

Klaus, who was still lingering by the doorway, takes his eye contact as an invitation, stepping past the threshold and into his room. He gravitates towards the dresser, absently toying with the trinkets Elijah salvaged from the previous town, their previous life.

"You liked this one, didn't you?" He continues when it becomes clear that Elijah's not going to answer, "I can see why."

He folds the corner of his page and closes the book, setting it aside on the pillow next to him.

"Such _pretty_ , _pretty_ eyes," Klaus hummed, his own glittering when he looked over his shoulder.

Elijah swung his feet off the bed, crossing his arms as he watched his younger brother turn completely, leaning back against the dresser.

"Is there a reason _why_ you're bothering me, Niklaus?" He inquired.

The edges of his smirk sharpen.

"What was his name again, brother? _Anthony?_ No, that was Rebekah's. Yours was called Harrison, right? Everyone called him Harry."

Everyone but Elijah. Who preferred the long syllables, the way his lover's cheeks tinted red with blood as he enunciated each vowel and consonant.

 _Had_ tinted.

Anger boils beneath Elijah's skin, not quite unlike venom, but he keeps his mask in place. Not a single crack.

"Yes." He says. A single word. A response of some kind if that was what Klaus was waiting for.

Still, his brother lingers.

"I liked him from the moment I met him, you know? So kind, and such a gentleman. Perfect for my big brother, Elijah, I thought."

"Niklaus, what _exactly_ is the purpose of this conversation?" Elijah's mask is slipping, his tone edged with something hard even as he kept his features smooth.

"Such a shame I had to rip out his heart," Niklaus' smirk turns into a familiar smile, crooked and cocky with something malicious weaved through, "Although, his blood was _divine_."

Before Elijah is even fully aware of his own intentions, he's moving. Klaus now pressed against the wall, his forearm digging into his throat as he bares his fangs.

"What do you _want?_ " Elijah hisses, grasping the shattered threads of his control.

Klaus' smile remains in place. His eyes are empty, dark.

"An answer," he replies, simply, "Will you get _over it_ , Elijah? Or have you finally given up on the fairytale that is my redemption?" He sneers the last word.

Elijah's eyes darts over his face, cataloging the emotions he finds there: anger, remorse, sadness, fear...and _jealousy?_

" _Well?_ " Klaus asks, his smile lacking it's usual playfulness, "Do I need to kill more lovers of yours before you finally get the message?"

And as the faces of previous loves danced across his mind, all killed by the man in front of him, Elijah promises, "I will never give up on you, Niklaus. _Never._ "

He releases his brother and steps away, returning to his bed. Don Quixote is opened to page 235, as saved, and he begins his reading again.

Klaus is silent, no doubt attempting to discern the hidden messages in what could not be more clearly an invitation for Klaus to do better.

After a moment, Elijah hears his footsteps start towards the door.

"Elijah?" He suddenly asks.

"Yes?"

"...Why?"

"Do you remember when you were a boy?"

Silence.

"That's why."

He looks up, and Niklaus' face is unreadable. He nods once and starts out but before he can leave–

"Did you _really_ like Harrison?" Elijah has to know.

A wry smile crawls its way across Klaus's mouth. It's genuine this time, playing in his eyes as well.

"I think you deserve someone better, no?"

And with that non-answer, Klaus fully exited the room.)

 --

_Elijah can remember for the three of them._

Over and over and over again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts while writing this and watching _The Originals_ : 
> 
> • Damn, Elijah is hot.
> 
> • Is it weird that I like Haley better on TO than TVD?
> 
> • Why is Klaus so amazing?!
> 
> • ELIJAH MIKAELSON IS SO FUCKING HOT!!!
> 
> • ...I really hope Cami doesn't end up with Klaus.
> 
> • I think I'm in love with Elijah.
> 
> (Nice comments and kudos appreciated!!)


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